The Difficulties of Ageing
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Hi guys....I'm writing this because I was in the nursing home this weekend with my husband, because his father who has started to get dementia and who was wearing a catheter, pulled it out and of course had difficulties urinating which could also cause infection. We had to rush him to the nursing home for his doctor to reinstall the catheter.
Ageing is so difficult when you've lived your life doing things for yourself, handled issues yourself and your memory wasn't an issue. I watch how both our parents are ageing and it has become such a sad and difficult period. My husband's mom has alzheimers and his father the first stages of dementia.
My mom has memory loss but it is mainly short term memory. You will tell her something now and a few minutes later she will ask the same question or she forgets what you told her and will again ask the same question a few minutes later. She also gets confused when we are at the supermarket and too many things are coming at her at the same time. Like looking for her linx card while the cashier is asking a question and not remembering where her card is.
But that's why parents have kids. We are there to guide them and support them through this difficult, confusing time of their life and I can only hope that my kids will do the same for us. I tell my mom you don't have to worry about things because me and my brother are here to deal with those things for her and with her but she still tends to worry.
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My feeling is that where my mom is on concerned she is bored. Being home doing nothing all day is boring and mind numbing. She has us to take her out and she sees me every Monday and sometimes Thursday. She sees my brother once or twice in the same week. She has friends who call her every day and all her neighbours know and look out for her. She goes to church and still serves as Lay Minister. She walks on mornings with her neighbours every morning, and she sees about her small garden⁸.
For me all she needs is some activity that will force her to use her brain a bit more. Her niece is staying with her while she studies at University and I take her prayer meetings on Thursdays plus at every opportunity I take her out or the kids go visit her. I took her to the Mall down south this weekend then the day before she went out with my brother to celebrate her grand daughters success at O'levels.
To me she has a fairly active life but she still harps on wishing that we lived with her or next door.She doesn't want to live with us because she finds it too boring where we live. It's hard to please them but you basically have to be patient and not get angry with them.
My friend has the same dementia issue with her mom but she has it even worse, as the dementia has her mother accusing her of having a boyfriend who she is bringing home at nights, in her house, which isn't the case at all. Her mother also accuses her of stealing her money and gets angry and combative, yet with her grandchildren she is cool and loving.
If my friend argues with her mom it gets worse but her patience ran out recently and she ended up shouting at her mother. She felt bad after but she just couldn't handle the accusations anymore. I understand because it can very frustrating repeating the same thing over and over or hearing things told to you that are incorrect but your parent is speaking as if it's true and they don't listen to any explanation and never change their attitude to haring the correct info. Frustrating is a mild way to describe it.
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With me it's taking the negative attitude and repeated negativity....the "poor me", "sorry for herself" attitude that drives me crazy. As a coach I can't handle negativity especially since I teach positivity and a "you can" attitude to all my clients. I encourage and guide them to achieve their life and professional goals.... so hearing the opposite from my mom is difficult.
I have to drum up the strength to ignore it and just redirect her to a more grateful way of thinking and to thank God for all that she has. She is lucky that with only 2 kids she got 8 grandkids. A friend of ours has 7 kids but only 5 grandchildren from all those kids she has. So one has to be grateful for all the blessings we get but at that age they wallow in repeated " I wish....." at least that's how it is with my mom.
My husband has it hard with dealing with the finances of his parents, handling the nurses and any emergencies that occurred this weekend and we don't live close to his parents so it's quite a drive to get to them or to meet them at the nursing home. But my husband is from a country area and country people stick to one another, look out for each other and are also very helpful for each other. He just has to make a few calls and he has someone to transport his father to the doctor where we met them and blessed for us, the doctor was there, the catheter was reinstalled and his father got a check up one time, which isn't normal. So everything worked put girl the best and his father is fine. God is in control you just need to ask him to help, which is what I did the minute we left home to come to the nursing home.
Like I mentioned, I hope me and my husband stay healthy for a long time....although with all these parental challenges my huzzy now has high blood pressure and has always suffered with sleep apnea. Me on the other hand, I only have the menopausal aggravations but I'm healthy otherwise. So people, make sure you have great family relationships, that you do all that's necessary to stay healthy because you do age and you could end up sickly with dementia or worse yet alzheimers, and you want to know that there is someone there you can rely on during that period when the memory fails, the body fails and you need support. Good luck guys....check you Thursday and think about what I said. Luv you guys.
